Someone Like You

  Tried listening to Adele's "Someone Like You" again last night-didn't tear up but couldn't listen to the whole thing either.  What amazes me is for someone to have that kind of perspective while still experiencing the pain, and feeling "miserable and lonely" as she was.
  It just dawned on me that what may help give Adele that perspective is her youth.  I am often guilty of feeling sorry for myself but I think most would agree that it is probably easier to be able to look forward to starting over in your twenties than in your forties (suddenly I'm one of those people with "baggage").  But maybe not.  It would also seem easier (not easy) to move on after a relationship of five or ten years than one of twenty or thirty years. Again, maybe not, maybe it's just me.  I truly wish I could be one of those people who wants "nothing but the best for you" as Adele sings, for their ex, but I'm just not there.  Not yet anyway.  Not that I want bad things for the ex (though, admittedly  there have been "fantasies" but that's all they are, fantasies).  What I am is one of those people who simply wish that she felt the depth of pain and misery that I do (Adele's line-"I had hoped you'd see my face and be reminded that for me it isn't over").  I know it hasn't been easy for her either and she has had her share of pain, but the ex appears to have had a much easier time moving on.  Makes me wonder.  Not too great for the ol' ego when you're that easy to get over.
  But here's the thing, and it's what I really connect with in "Someone Like You", the ex has already settled into a very serious relationship and I am still alone (not that I want a relationship {yet} for myself, definitely not there yet either). How can I feel happy about that?  "Guess she gives you things I didn't give to you" Adele sings, leaving me to think that I could have and should have done more in my marriage.  But it also makes me think- how was I suppose to fulfill needs the ex not only didn't communicate to me but didn't even realize (she now admits) that she had?
  "Never mind, I'll find someone like you"-that's right Adele, and if I'm lucky I'll  find someone even better, or better for me anyway.  Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste...had enough of the bitter, getting closer to the sweet.

Damn.  Made it all the way through (sniff, sniff).  But with her pipes and singing with such emotion, who doesn't feel the heartbreak?  I used to be big on avoidance, emotions or otherwise, but I've realized that it's sometimes OK,  and often beneficial to let myself really feel the pain, letting it wash over me.  It's better (and easier) than holding it in or holding on to it indefinitely.

Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead.... indeed....

Peace to the Planet....

The power of music

       Most of us realize the effect music can have on atmosphere or setting.  Whether you are trying to set a meditative or romantic mood, or a party atmosphere, music can make all the difference in the world.  I have now come to realize the power of music to not only effect atmosphere and setting but how deeply it can effect emotions.
      I don't know if anyone else is like this, but for me, I go on streaks or binges with certain things; for a while all I'll do is watch sports on TV (all right this is more of a constant) , lately I've been on a book binge-one after another, and the same with cooking or art-I'll have stale periods followed by bursts of creativity and inspiration.
      Most recently I have been immersing myself in music (mostly listening-my playing ability is often too frustrating to be able to enjoy-although I do like singing-but I digress).  Thanks to an old friend, I was reintroduced to some music I used to love passionately but had sort of neglected and forgotten while exploring other, newer (to me) musical genres.  But it was like an avalanche-once I started, I couldn't stop.  He had posted some youtube links to a band's old videos (pretty poor from the video production angle but the music stands the test of time).  One of the cool things about youtube is that it gives you suggestions for other stuff based on what you are viewing.  So one thing leads to another- it's like a stream of consciousness thing, delving deeper into a particular style, but then exploring tangents.  That's how I started by head banging to Black Sabbath's very heavy War Pigs and ended up grooving to the rockabilly stylings of Robert Plant and Allyson Krauss collaborating on Gone, Gone, Gone.  It was like a buzz, and I couldn't get enough, which brings me back to my point (finally).  I got a rush, felt energized, almost like a jump start-nerves a tingling.  In other words more than just setting a mood or atmosphere I suddenly felt ALIVE!
   So continuing on my musical binge/exploration I clicked on another friends link/suggestion for  an Adele song.  I don't know much of her, but I do know she has an amazing voice, and have really enjoyed what little I have heard. The song was Someone Like You.  Wow!  As expected she just nailed it (live on Kimmel)- but man did it effect me-I went from electrically alive to somberly fighting back tears-powerful is the best description of the effect- and I was stunned at the sudden turnaround of emotions.
    This realization of the power of music brought me back to when I was struggling with the end of my marriage.  I had sought advice through various outlets and found myself on a website for men going through divorce.  One guy's shared experience  really jumped out at me. He mentioned that for almost a year he couldn't listen to music (with lyrics), it was too painful and depressing.  That was me!  I had been having a pretty hard time with things and had found myself in tears numerous times while listening to songs that evoked memories, seemed to describe my situation or chirped happily about the love they had found that I had lost.  It seemed like every song was about love or love lost. I guess it's no wonder, as love and the loss of  love are both pretty inspiring from a creative standpoint.  At the time, I was feeling overwhelmed by everything and was sort of surprised to find myself in a pit of despair.  To carry the pit analogy further, instead of helping, music felt more like dirt was being piled on from above...I felt buried.  In the past I had been able to find solace in music but suddenly  it was making things worse, ugh.
   That was a while ago now-as many friends and family had told me, time did indeed help lessen the pain.  As I found out listening to Adele, the scars are still pretty sensitive though.  I am very glad to have found myself able to enjoy most music again...think I'll stick to Sabbath for a while though, not too much crying over that.


Peace to the Planet
and thanks to my old buddy Piggy-rock on brother...