WTF?

  I find myself asking this more frequently of late.  What the Fuck?  More accurately, what the fuck am I doing? or what the fuck am I doing wrong?
  As a parent, I need to figure some shit out. Fast.  Otherwise, I fear that I am (not so) slowly going insane. I need to figure out how to get through to my  kids without nagging, without lecturing, without repetition and the frustration that it generates.  I am consistent and clear, I don't yell, and I try to be patient but that is getting harder. I try to be constructive in my criticism and I try to be accepting of their individuality and the quirks that may bring. So... WTF?
  Being a parent is difficult.  Being a single co-parent is more difficult (with much respect and props to true single parents, gotta be the most difficult).  No more backup, no more tag-team, no more help or support, at least not in the moment when you need it most.  I feel fortunate that the ex and I do seem to co-parent pretty well, remaining on the same page most of the time, and we do have each other to consult for major decision making etc.  The ex and I have different styles and strengths (and weaknesses) of parenting, and they tended to mesh pretty well.  Sure we disagreed about things but we also brought the other a different perspective as well as support.  I guess I am still getting used to that different dynamic as a parent.
  I have my children with me half of the time, a week with and a week without.  Sometimes by the end of my week with them (just finished in case you were wondering as far as the timing of this post...)  frustration has risen and perspective is hard to come by.  And then there is the week without them, which gives me time, perspective, and a refill on the patience tank.
  Much like my personal search for happiness and meaning in life (beyond my kids) I am searching for answers as a parent and trying to be a better Dad.  In some ways I feel like I have found some answers and have become a better Dad (being more understanding, accepting and a better listener)  but in other ways  I am backsliding or still searching ( I feel less patient, more easily frustrated and don't communicate well).
  So I tell myself to be patient, hold insanity at bay and keep trying and searching. And I remind myself that I am so lucky to have three fantastic kids who I love more than anything and who occasionally happen to push me and challenge me. Hmmmm....I think I just stumbled on a bit of perspective there.  I want to be a better Dad, but my kids are helping me be a better Dad simply by the challenges they present.
  While it's surely no answer, that perspective may just help in finding some.

Peace to the Planet...