Things have changed drastically in my life over the last three years, and for the most part I have adjusted and the kids have adjusted. For the most part.
I miss having that traditional family, a Mom a Dad and kids doing things together, big things like vacations and holidays and little things like dinner and lazy mornings. It took me a while to realize that while I was mourning the loss of the old family unit, I still had a family with my kids, just a new and different kind of family. But I still miss it. It still hurts
It hurts when my daughter no longer wants to go back and forth between the homes but now stays solely with her mother, limiting our already strained relationship even more. I barely get to parent her and sometimes I feel like I am just her shuttle service, and even that will be short lived with her getting her license soon. How can I improve the relationship when I barely see her? It's frustrating, and while I won't give up I am letting go a bit more since the harder I try to hold on the more she slips away. It hurts.
It hurts when my young son comes home from school with a drawing of his family, and I, his father, am not in the picture. I know he loves me, but shit! Not inpare the picture. That cut me bad. It hurts.
It's hard not to feel sort of useless as a parent, not to throw my hands up, not to feel sorry for myself. It hurts.
Peace to the Planet...
I read this a few days ago and knew right away that I wanted to comment but needed a few days to try to figure out what I wanted to say.
ReplyDeleteFirst, I want to say do not, and I mean do not!, give up. All of your children have a part of you in them, whether it is recognizable to you or them at this point there is no telling, but if you give up, there will be nothing, and they will know you've given up. I will say it is recognizable to me and to others.
2nd, I want to tell you that being a young teen girl once myself, I wanted nothing and I mean nothing to do with my Dad, for that matter, my Mother either. So remember - keep perspective and never give up hope that that young 15 year old woman will someday want you in her life as much as possible forever. I will never forget the day I realized that bar none my Dad was truly one of the best kind of friends a girl could have. (I was on the back road) So, I guess my advice here is, time, prayer and patience - and hopefully she will realize the same as I did.
Third, I feel and hear your pain about the family drawing. How cutting that must have felt. If it was me I think I would have dropped to my knees in self pity and pain, instantly crying. So I want you to know even though, very thankfully, that has not happened to me, when reading your words, I felt it had. I know he loves you too, but damn!
And fourth, and as important as the prior three, I love you, I love you, I love you. You are and have been a wonderfully amazing parent. It is okay to feel sorry for your self with this one......you deserve it!
I am a foster parent. I take in the children whose parents messed up. In a way, I am your polar opposite. I have had the same child in my home for 7 months now, and cannot imagine her ever going home. And yet, I DO feel for her birth parents. They are missing SO MUCH.
ReplyDeleteI second what the first poster said. You are an amazing parent. The parents I deal with really don't get it. You get it.
Stick it out. Let her have her space....she's a hormonal teen girl....what a difficult place to be in...I've been there! As long as she knows that you're there and always WILL be there, it will all work out in the end.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kfq1uMnQo38&feature=related